juan_gandhi: (VP)
Sorry, I'm stopping these postings. As [livejournal.com profile] timelets noted, it's pretty depressing. There's enough depressing things in life to be miserable about; so I don't find it funny anymore either.
juan_gandhi: (VP)
Being common as dirt;
People who are gutted like fish;
Plane crashes caused by moisture in sensors;
Roll, pitch, and yaw;
Being comforted in a language you don't understand;
Murders in parking lots;
Forgetting your crutches;
Heat exhaustion.
juan_gandhi: (VP)
Frozen carcasses;
Toddlers who drink bleach;
Finding out that there is no Tooth Fairy;
The gruesome original endings of classical fairy tales;
Indentured servants;
Sex in socks;
Teenage pregnancy;
Other people's code.
juan_gandhi: (VP)
The next US President;
Poisonous berries;
Compulsory military service;
Getting food poisoning on your wedding day;
Drunken rednecks;
Children who condescend to their parents;
Being uninvited to a wedding;
Rabid squirrels;
Forgetting to think before speaking;
Kitchen remodeling
juan_gandhi: (VP)
The first year of medical school;
Nostalgia for summer vacation;
Getting the giggles at a funeral;
Broken dams;
Middle school girls who stuff their bras;
Using reality TV shows to cast the leasts on Broadway musicals;
Useful fictions.
juan_gandhi: (VP)
Mud-thick coffee;
Celebrities with oversized heads;
Companies that don't offer maternity leave;
The Battle of Bull Run;
Promiscuous nuns;
Checking in with the office while on vacation;
Coming into work early and leaving late;
Life coaches;
German measles.
juan_gandhi: (VP)
Value-added taxes;
Yellow teeth;
The loneliness of the long-distance runner;
Bad fusion restaurants;
Women who dye their eyebrows;
Eating an entire gallon of ice cream;
Babies who pull on your nose;
Entry-level jobs;
juan_gandhi: (VP)
Wishing you'd had an abortion;
Bodies found in rivers;
Adolescent eye-rolling;
Crimes against nature;
Damaged goods;
Ears popping on airplanes;
Lynch mobs;
Komodo dragons;
Brutalist architecture.
juan_gandhi: (VP)
Prenuptial agreements;
Ash Wednesday;
Accidentally sleeping on baby bunnies;
Trolling the internet for sex;
Lying about your height;
Lying about your weight;
Lying about your age;
Robberies committed with pepper spray;
Advertising budget;
Dead girl scouts.
juan_gandhi: (VP)
Code reviews;
Charismatic villains;
Moments of reckoning;
Oliver Cromwell;
Castrating yourself;
People that have more Facebook friends than you;
The primrose path to the everlasting bonfire;
Wrecking balls;
Making a silk purse out of a sow's ear.
juan_gandhi: (VP)
Mortgage loans;
Executives who expense prostitutes to corporate accounts;
Remote controlled machine guns;
Socially acceptable prejudices;
Aging beauty queens;
Glass ceilings;
Zookeepers mauled by tigers;
Rationales for murder;
World War II-era bombs unearthed in European cities;
Pets treated with psychoanalysis.
juan_gandhi: (VP)
King of Thailand;
Bob Dylan;
Donald Trump;
The link between vaccination and autism;
The link between nonvaccination and death;
Stool samples;
The gall bladder;
Meeting your husband's other wife;
Income tax.
juan_gandhi: (VP)
Blowing your paycheck;
Blowing your boss;
Movie stars who appear not to age;
Teachers who are mistaken for students;
Cremation services;
Drug smuggling;
Human smuggling;
Hidden cop cars;
Apartment swaps gone wrong;
Colorectal surgery.
juan_gandhi: (VP)
DDT - a toxic pesticide;
Having a condition that stumps your doctors;
Knowledge that is not power;
Low blood pressure;
Memory decline;
Pesticide residues;
New Year's resolutions;
juan_gandhi: (VP)
Soldiers who miss killing people;
Exploding inner organs;
Suburban boredom;
Being unable to remember the last time you had sex;
Forgetting to wear sunscreen at the beach;
Guerilla warfare;
Heel pain caused by flip-flops;
Hyperhidrosis - abnormally increased perspiration;
Treating gunshots wounds with prayer.
juan_gandhi: (VP)
Forgetting to celebrate Christmas;
Identity politics;
Terrible expiation;
Economy class;
Blood sports;
Blood diamonds;
Your grandfather's penis;
Legalized atrocities;
Losing a contact lens;
The smell of gunpowder.
juan_gandhi: (VP)
Tipping over backward in your chair;
Chasing a greased pig;
Specters from the past;
Receded hairlines;
The Salem witch trials;
Soldiers quartered in civilian houses;
Colombian assassins;
The misery of goldfish;
juan_gandhi: (VP)
Inheriting your grandfather's wardrobe;
Lampshades made of human skin;
Dying while waiting for the mail to come;
Shirts soaked with blood;
Musty wedding dresses;
Winchester rifles;
Sewing machine accidents;
Abysses of regret;
Exaggerated vows of love.
juan_gandhi: (VP)
Observing meaningless traditions
Prolonged incestuous violation by your father
Men who say "splendid"
Picnicking spectators at Civil War battles
Disquieting beauty
Sunken galleons
The difference between life and romance novels
Ineffective social workers
Entanglements with cows
juan_gandhi: (VP)
Cloven hoofs
Sharpened stakes at the bottom of deep pits
The voracity of oblivion
Sacrificial lambs
Cobalt 60
The weight of the unknown
The fall of the sparrow
Drowsiness caused by eating too much at lunch


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